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Pause Needed

Dear friends,

As many of you know, my road to health has been quite a bumpy one.

The latest bed ridden stint has been four weeks after a pretty tough surgery. 

Endless hours of observation have shown how the world whirls around me while healing -hopefully- is taking place. Life is cyclical yet different how we all experience it. I have observed how people are naturally inclined to help, and how lucky I am to have so much love surrounding me. 

It wouldn’t be possible without my husband who took the responsibility of taking care of our 3 wonderful kids so I could focus on my healing journey. The generosity of parents, their love and support, as that of all my extended family and friends cheering me on makes me be forever grateful.

A compromised health situation with lots of silver linings. 

When it was a fact I needed surgery again, I flew back to my roots and my family took care of me. I’m wounded, tired and afraid. They have carried me like a child in need of all the love and reassurance. Most importantly helping me navigate the medical system that triggers panic attacks after a medical malpractice that changed my life forever.

After 4 weeks of daily visits from siblings who take turns so I am never left alone, one cannot help but being in awe and thankful to God for being the beneficiary of such unconditional love, strength and peace.

My brother who is a top executive embraced my case with his leadership skill set and with such professionalism that inspired not only me but those around us. He did all the tedious nitty gritty, insurance, paperwork, getting a great team of doctors together and leading the way. Plus giving me lots of giggles, I admit.

Regarding my oldest sister, I have concluded that she definitely has an innate gift. She is an outstanding caregiver. Not only her words of wisdom, but truly is the best “nurse” I have ever had! Her rigor on schedules, documentation and loving voice and touch is a balm to my soul.

And my little sister, who makes me smile just by thinking of her. She reminds me of the power of love, of never giving up no matter what. 

My sister in law has been with my siblings and husband taking turns to be with me and for me. I have always admired how she always has a positive attitude, so much peace and faith that I thought it was always a coincidence that I hadn’t seen her “worse side”. That it couldn’t be true.  But after four weeks, I have witnessed it consistently that she comes to love and tend and speak of a God that is very different from mine.

I thought it would be interesting to “step in her shoes” and try to see how she perceives life. Nothing to lose right?

So, she made sure to find the right priest. One who I would have a thought provoking conversation. I like going deep and exploring the meaning of things.

So off I go, so nervous because I’m not versed in religion and it took a tad of pride to acknowledge I didn’t even know the basics well. 

With that humbleness I approached him and was very honest on where I stand with organized religion. He smiled and said let’s have a conversation. 

We chatted for three hours, and concluded again like I have concluded with a Chaman, psychiatrist, astrologer, monks… that there needs to be a daily practice of introspection. 

God grows in you, it’s a relationship, it takes two. 

It suddenly clicked, I knew what I had to do to pave my way to healing. I need to pause.

That comes with hard patterns to break and decisions to make. I know deep in my heart that I need to take a deep breath, and focus on healing and living life one day at a time. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, not today. I need to live in the NOW.

I’m pausing my efforts with my book On the Way to Casa Lotus. My newsletter, blog and resources will always be available on my website. The book will always be for sale, but it will fly on his own.

So off I go into this new stage in life. Hopefully in some years I’ll look back and have a proud smile and peaceful heart.

Thank you all for being a fundamental part of my journey.

Con mucho amor,